Post by Angel on Jul 27, 2016 21:15:59 GMT -6
Do you "sleep on it"?
Do you believe in the adage "Never go to bed mad"?
Or do your arguments usually devolve into yelling matches?
How have you handled previous arguments?
Do you ever with your partner would handle arguments or disagreements a certain way?
Do you believe in the adage "Never go to bed mad"?
Or do your arguments usually devolve into yelling matches?
How have you handled previous arguments?
Do you ever with your partner would handle arguments or disagreements a certain way?
Obviously we try to fight in a constructive way. but if i feel like i'm not being heard, i tend to get louder which usually makes my husband more defensive. He'll ask me to not yell at him but i don't think i'm yelling.
I definitely can't sleep on it. I lie awake getting angrier and angrier. My husband will wake up as though nothing ever happened and i'll be furious. Its not a good model for us. I much before to work it out before going to sleep.
I've noticed that sometimes i just have to give my husband some space. I let him retreat to get his thoughts together and then we can usually have a reasonable conversation. As long as we don't leave it too long, because like i said, the more i dwell on things, the more furious i get. its a very careful balance of time.
We had a few big fights when we first got married, but they are very rare now. Hopefully it stays that way.
I definitely can't sleep on it. I lie awake getting angrier and angrier. My husband will wake up as though nothing ever happened and i'll be furious. Its not a good model for us. I much before to work it out before going to sleep.
I've noticed that sometimes i just have to give my husband some space. I let him retreat to get his thoughts together and then we can usually have a reasonable conversation. As long as we don't leave it too long, because like i said, the more i dwell on things, the more furious i get. its a very careful balance of time.
We had a few big fights when we first got married, but they are very rare now. Hopefully it stays that way.
I was watching this show and there was a therapist on it. She talked about how we get into a "fight or flight mode" when we get angry/upset enough. She said we actually feel like we're going to die or our lives are being threatened. I don't know if that's true, but I know it was a good thing for me to hear. My husband is one of those people that needs a moment when he's upset. I'm not. But I need to respect what he needs.
In my younger years, I didn't know how to handle arguments. My instinct was to end the relationship. I couldn't fathom overcoming an argument. Now I know better. My husband and I don't argue very much, but it's comforting to know that we can argue and be okay. We will still be married the next day.
In my younger years, I didn't know how to handle arguments. My instinct was to end the relationship. I couldn't fathom overcoming an argument. Now I know better. My husband and I don't argue very much, but it's comforting to know that we can argue and be okay. We will still be married the next day.
It is sometimes hard for me to have a constructive argument with my fiance. Due to my ex always threatening to leave me when we argued, now when me and my fiance argue I always think he's about to leave me. I'm getting better though.
I'm getting better at communicating and telling him when something is bothering me, regardless of whether it's something bignore or small. I would always bottle it up and have self-depreciating thoughts that it would often boil over and make an argument worse. I'm hoping that I can get better and learn to communicate more and in general more constructively.
I hate "sleeping on it" but I also don't like the whole "not going to bed angry" deal. I'd prefer being able to just say what the issue is but I think what often prohibits that is our own thoughts that the issue isn't a big deal.
I'm getting better at communicating and telling him when something is bothering me, regardless of whether it's something bignore or small. I would always bottle it up and have self-depreciating thoughts that it would often boil over and make an argument worse. I'm hoping that I can get better and learn to communicate more and in general more constructively.
I hate "sleeping on it" but I also don't like the whole "not going to bed angry" deal. I'd prefer being able to just say what the issue is but I think what often prohibits that is our own thoughts that the issue isn't a big deal.
I have a friend whose husband always responds to a fight with "well, we might as well just get divorced" which always leaves her feeling insecure. that's definitely not a good way to fight. People should feel safe to experience minor conflict without their relationship being threatened.
Its good that you are getting better, Angel, but I hope he is too. Its a two way street.
Its good that you are getting better, Angel, but I hope he is too. Its a two way street.