Other People's bad relationships

[fruity]

Would you tell a friend if you felt they were in a relationship that didn't appear to be healthy?  Or would you just keep quiet and let it play itself out?  

A friend of mine recently started a new relationship, of sorts.  She says its not a relationship yet, mostly because he has a girlfriend that maybe he's about to break up with, but maybe not, he hasn't decided yet.  Which sets off all sorts of alarm bells.  

And she asked what i thought, so i gave her my feelings about the situation.  She was pretty upset but said not at me but at the situation.  I felt terrible for triggering that though.  I wouldn't have said anything except she asked directly.  I usually take an attitude of letting other people make their own mistakes. And i do worry that maybe i projected on to her 'relationship' experiences i had in the past, but hers don't have to play out like mine did.  maybe it will all be ok.  

alternatively, another friend of mine recently ended her marriage.  It started because friends of hers said to her that the way her husband was treating her was not acceptable behaviour. turns out he's been abusing her but she didn't actually realise because she just thought that's how everyone's marriage was.  She knew about abusive relationship but because she rarely had bruises or anything, she thought that her life was normal.  Now she will talk about things that happened in her marriage and its horrifying that she was living that.  It made me think that we need to be talking about what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like.  

[Angel]

Man its tough to say. If someone asks you your thoughts on it, and you're their friend, I definitely think you should tell them the truth without hurting their feelings.

For example say, "I don't think that's a good idea. It may not work." And not say, "You're an idiot." It's about being an adult and also being truthful.

I also don't think people should make assumptions about others relationships. I feel it is intrusive to give unsolicited advice when you don't have all the facts. Even if you do have all the facts sometimes it isn't your place to say anything.

I have these friends. They're older (they have kids who are in their early 20s) and they've been married for a while. Sometimes you can tell by how they interact that they aren't happy. They seem like they still respect each other but they don't love each other like they used to and are just married now because getting divorced is expensive.

If you know something bad is happening though (abuse) you need to step in and do something. Both parties need help.

[aimeerolu]

The only times I will give an opinion on someone's relationship is if I feel it is a dangerous situation, if I have concrete proof of something going on they are not aware of (meaning, I'm providing something that is not subjective), or if they are constantly complaining about the same issues in their relationship. I am very cautious when responding to someone's request for advice. Sometimes people aren't really open to the truth, even if they say that's what they want.

[reiner]

to find true relation is hard